For this project I wanted to continue my idea of coping with the anxiety that comes from working at home. The assigned medium was Cyanotype. This is a photo related process that requires much attention to the sun - it can't be done without it! I started working out a schedule with the weather to get this project completed on time.
Since I am staying with my idea of working at home, I wanted to try to express how I cope with my mental health issues, specifically anxiety. So I began my process of researching artists, and gathering potential items. How do I cope with anxiety? I started testing and thinking, and just getting used to the new medium (I've never worked with cyanotype). The tests came out nice - I think - but I felt discouraged that week in class. I wasn't certain if I was going in the right direction with my project. I thought about it for some time that afternoon, weighing the idea of more tests, more of the same - am I wasting my chemical?
I was considering aesthetics of this chemical in particular, and the complex and tricky method of getting extremely clean borders. This is an important aspect of creating for me, as this is my way of expressing the continued pressure by our society and corporations to carry on as usual in times of distress. I spent so much time and planning considering these methods of communicating my personal experiences.
That evening I realized I would incorporate cannabis into my work. This complex plant has so much stigma attached to it, yet it is so healing to those with PTSD. By employing this particular plant in an aesthetically (and strategically) pleasing piece, I can open a space for a reconsideration of how we deal with mental health.
I've used cannabis for PTSD since before I was ever diagnosed. It works. The fact that my PTSD is worth less than veteran's PTSD is another story for another day.
So I used my vape bag, leftover remnants of cannabis, cotton to symbolize the softness of my nerves when I'm medicated, and coffee - symbolizing the continued daily repetition of this feeling through the first thing I consume each day. To emphasize linework and a method of carrying the feeling through my body, I chose to use strings of cheesecloth. This was a strategic choice as I also hoped it could also add depth to my blues, rather than a less aesthetically pleasing flat blue against white. As I moved through my process, I noted a story being told as I made a somewhat planned arrangement and adjusted elements as I went along. I realized this was my resilient spirit and cut up and added a piece of sponge for my face. I added and took away paper and visene, experimenting and refining my process.
Cyanotype is an extremely addictive, fun process. Every single day that fell within a nice day on the calendar I spent outside, arranging each piece singularly, giving each single piece the time it took to develop individually before I went to the next print. Understanding these prints were also records of my experiences, each one individual, different, with its own agency, fluid. As my process evolved, I realized I could get a softer result from the bag by adding a cloth at one end of my print, between the print and glass. This enabled me to blow into the bag a little to puff it up, essentially exposing it to more sunlight, and breathing my life into it. Adding and taking away depth as the experience comes and goes, waiting for the result. Finally washing away the chemical, the experience, leaving behind the resilient spirit. This is how I create art.
Despite my many prints made, I ended up with just a few really nice ones. This suite of prints could also be called Resilience 2020, a portrait of one student's resilience.
Strangely, I see faces in some of these, and that same horned figure I saw in one of my test pieces for Project 1 appeared again in the bottom left print. Somehow through this process I realized how much I missed being in class and working with others. I ended up creating a night time exhibition for my toys, complete with a blue light!
Yup, I'm a weirdo.
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